This is One Of Those Posts About Writing and Why I Can't.

This is a post about why I can't blog right now:

My desktop is creatively stifling

I share a computer with my husband and business.

Children keep finding me and shouting demands.

I can't figure out how to do everything from my phone.

I bit my tongue so hard that I haven't been able to eat solids.

I keep having existential crises about pointless things like rollerskating.

Other people are more successful than me ( yes I am perfectly aware they set goals and work hard,so what?).

I will write after I clean the house and dye my hair and all those other things I am refusing to actually do OK? Sheesh get off my back.

I am hungry, or I have a headache or something.

Writing is hard work.

I have no clear direction yet.

I am going to buy a netbook so once that gets here I will write all the things.

Really.
All I have to do is get over the massive case of writers block.

Isn't everything so very complicated?

This Is Oliver. He is our Cat. Life is not complicated for cats.

Sometimes (OK a lot of the time) seemingly simple tasks seem to be complicated. 

I was trying to analyse my blog statistics. But my Google analytics disappeared when I changed templates and it was so long ago I couldn't remember how to do it so I had to read lots of stuff and then I did it and came back to check it after a few weeks and...it hadn't worked. Repeat. (ooh boy the grammar checking thingy isn't going to like that sentence, but it is meant to be read in a slightly breathless and frantic fashion).

I decide I want to look at a recipe on my phone but the app needs updating, then the phone needs charging. Then I forget and check Twitter.Repeat.
Eventually I find the recipe and discover I need to wash the dishes to prepare it and also go to the shops because I just ran out of some essential ingredient.

I like my Fresh Meat course (this is Roller Derby, not butchery by the way) but now I am getting better the training is harder and there are so many things to think of, tactics, not falling over, hitting, being fit and training hours are going up and up. I just think it is fun, but suddenly it is complicated. I find myself having an existential crisis brought on by roller skates.

Do you have days where despite your best efforts every task turns into an epic melodrama?
 Sometimes I think life is too complicated and want to lie down under the table with a cool flannel over my eyes...but the floor under the table needs a vacuum and the robot is out of charge and the other one is in the shed. 

See what I mean?

Or is this just me?

I don’t Know Why I Blog, I Just know I Need to

On my Twitter feed I see my virtual and real life friends hashtagging their excitement about the Blogging Conference they are attending and I feel a bit jealous. .

I have blogged for years. I don’t know why.

I see people blogging for profit or to educate others. I see people blogging their way through grief and post natal depression, through weight loss and renovation. Not me. I just blog.

I don’t think I would want to commercialise the blog to the point where I am no longer writing for myself. I don’t know if I would want to narrow my blogging scope.  I wonder at my audience. I know you are out there even though my Google analytics fell over because my coding is terrible, I still know there are around 500 views a month but my comments fields area like a ghost town, complete with tumbleweeds.

This may come across as needy but as a prolific commenter I wonder at those who look at my blog posts and have a peep into my life and then wander off without feeling the need to comment. I wonder if I am boring, or shocking or…I simply don’t know as I have no feedback from the silent audience!

I don’t know why I need to blog, I write about jam and children, about business and pets, about books and property, I am not a niche blogger but I am me.

Sometimes I read other people’s posts and I look at the number of followers they have and the number of comments and I think “I don’t get it, why are they so beloved, why does this spark so much commentary?”

I know that some is clever, ceaseless self promotion, I know that some people have talkative wannabe hangers on but it doesn't account for it all. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one feeling this way… Perplexed, but not bitter, I don’t begrudge anyone success in their chosen endeavour.

I don’t like posts on Social media purely designed to get comments (which are rife at present, is it just me who feels they are a trick and dislikes them on this basis?) , but I always engage if someone has a genuine question I can answer or a topic I feel I have something to offer.

I don’t know why I blog, I just know that I need to and I will continue doing so.

To my silent audience, I am glad you are there for whatever reason, but I will continue even if you disappear further into the ether.