Saturday, January 19, 2013

What the Internet Owl Thing Said

What a funny thing it can be to have something you are working for with all your might suddenly stops. Like the property deal that just fell over. 8 months and then gone. It's not something you bounce back from straight away. I suppose it is like a relationship breakup in a sense, you made plans, soft furnishings were being discussed and you were going to live together and then suddenly- bam- it's over- you may never see each other again. That's where I was at with this damn property deal but here we are again. the sun shines, the children laugh (and destroy and fight and smell weird but are still amazing and beautiful). Life plods along regardless of how much you wan to stay deep in a dark dank hole of your own making (real or imagined). It's not easy and even though I know that in reality the dark dank hole of despair is a combination of external stressors and hormonal fluctuations, out of whack neurotransmitters and other biochemical influences it is extremely hard to deal with being in the dark dank hole. I am lucky in a sense that it doesn't follow me around like Churchill's black dog, I just fall in the hole sometimes. Thanks for being there internet and I hope if you ever feel the same you get it out there and seek some support. 

Well anyway. I saw an Owl thing in the internet and it said this :
 "I know things are hard right now, you're going to be okay, but it might take a while. it might be scary and you might want to give up. Don't give up. You can do this. things won't be this way forever. one day you're going to be so proud of yourself." 
(It is an Owl isn't it?) 
 That cutesy badly drawn internet meme has a point...! So we are rehashing our plans, we are going easy on ourselves and recognising when it isn't worth pushing it uphill and onwards we go.
In the meantime we still get fresh eggs from the two remaining hens and there are two tomato bushes fruiting, herbs from the container garden. Autumn fruits are starting to pop up and the markets are full of cherries and apricots that taste like sunshine.
The boys like to play in empty fields.
Our baby girl is thriving, she breastfeeds many times a day but also has a bottle or two of formula as she is was so tiny and thin and I have discovered to my astonishment that we can combine the two easily with no detriment to either method, she will even switch from breast to bottle and back mid feed. I never knew that this was possible, I had some idea that once you gave a bottle of formula you were on a dark path and your breasts would dry up but it is not my experience so take heart those who wish to combine or comp feed it seems to work for us!
We have all been working so hard and at so far beyond our capacity for so long it is nice to take a moment. I don't know what this year holds for us yet, I have no plans or resolutions but I know we will keep on keeping on, in the long term I want space and trees and a garden and a solid wall (not plasterboard) between our room and the boys room, I would like to have work that satisfies me and a pig called Tarquin but I haven't figured out how to get there yet!

No comments:

Post a Comment